I don’t like Rush Limbaugh, ok? Personally, I think all the talent and intelligence in that family went to his brother, David.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know, who can I call myself a conservative and not worship Rush. I know I know I know, “Doesn’t that delay the reception of your marching orders from the VWRC?”
As some folks might know, I’m not as economically conservative as the average Republican. I’m all for lower taxes (and I support the integration of Church and State. After all, the Church only asked for 10%) and against government controlled welfare programs. Those are things much better handled by local charitable and religious organizations. After that however, I tend to part ways with many on the Right. For instance, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what Caleb Stegall has to say about unfettered capitalism.
I’d rather be stuck in a room with the worst and most obnoxious member of the “Religious Right” than with some strongly corporate Republican. After all, no matter how insane-sounding and annoying the biggest Jerry Falwell guy can get, at least deep down he’s spouting off like he does because he loves God and figures that’s what God would want him to do. The other guy is what, trying to squeeze and extra couple points per quarter in profit? At some point, doesn’t that get a little creepy, dedicating your life to an extra couple points per quarter?
In any event, I bring this up because I was reminded of a show Rush did for laughs a while back. He asked callers to call in and tell him how much money someone had to make to be “rich”. Then he got some chuckles from folks calling with “Anyone who makes over $50,000 a year is rich” or “Anyone who takes home more than two grand a month is rich”. I guess his point was, I dunno, there really is no such thing as “the rich” because everyone has a different idea of what it means to be “rich”.
I thought we were the party of objective truth?
Back to my point. I had to go shopping with the wife a little while ago, and while we were getting the groceries I noticed a few things. Do you know there are companies that make peanut butter and jelly in one jar? That way you can just spread peanut butter and jelly on bread without having to get out two jars. This “convenience” comes with quite a pricetag compared to regular peanut butter or jelly jars. Also, there are personal gourmet mac and cheese bowls in the frozen foods section. For like, five dollars you can get a bowl of mac and cheese and microwave it. That extra four dollars and ninety-nine cents or whatever it is spares you the indignity of mixing milk and butter into a saucepan.
Then, we pass the seafood section. This is New Mexico, you can’t find a clam in this entire state. They get mussels and they even get scallops, but not one clam. It amazes me. Forget about asking for soft-shelled crab.
“No, I want soft-shelled crab.”
“Um, these crabs look good to me. I’m sure you can cook them however you need to make the shells soft.”
The thing of it is, I don’t even like soft-shelled crabs. But once I can’t find something that I’ve seen growing up, I will go to war. Like Scrapple for instance. Scrapple is something they could put on Fear Factor to make sure no one ever wins the money. I had a bird fly through a vent and into a hot water heater once, where it scalded itself to death. I came home with the scent of scalded sparrow hanging in the air and thought, “Who on earth was making Scrapple”? Now that no one knows what it is, it’s the world’s finest food.
So like I was saying, I was in the seafood section of the supermarket. I look in the window and they’re selling these gigantic King crab legs. They were about three feet long and three inches around. The sign said, $14.99/lb.
This young little Hispanic woman has her shopping cart and was looking at the seafood too. I noticed she had in her cart the pbj in one jar thing and like, four of those gourmet microwavable mac and cheeses. She then asks the seafood guy for five pounds of the King Crab.
So the guy asks her, “Would you like them frozen, or ready to eat tonight?” And the woman replies, “Tonight. I think they’re going to have the crab tonight.”
And I thought, “Wow, that’s a really weird way to answer. Wouldn’t she know if she was going to eat…” and then it hit me.
She’s somebody’s housekeeper.
So here Rush, let me help you out. When you have your housekeeper pick up the pbj in one jar, the gourmet mac and cheese and $75 worth of crab, guess what? You’re the rich. Let me know if there’s anything else you need help figuring out, because you know, I’m here for you guy.
Do you have a cat you want to share with us? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
It’s one thing to be stupid. It’s something else entirely to be painfully stupid. Or an America-loathing leftist terrorist-enabler. The Washington Post goes for the trifecta:
The Bush administration is holding a number of terrorism suspects incommunicado in secret prisons abroad without due process or even notification of the International Committee of the Red Cross, and some detainees have been subjected to cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment. This is a gross violation of international law and American values, and it’s essential to our democracy that such an exceptional policy be subject to public debate. Maybe disclosure of the prisons damaged national security — the CIA has offered no evidence of that — but it’s hard to imagine what could be more damaging than the existence of the system itself.
Here, let me help you imagine:
Waddya think, WaPO, could this possibly be a bit worse for our national security? You hippies are all into visualising, right? Visualise with me here:
It’s one thing to be stupid. It’s something else entirely to be painfully stupid.
Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
Just got this from the Lair of the Catholic Caveman:
In an exchange with Florida Congresswoman Ileanna Ros-Lehtinen on the HBO program “Real Time with Bill Maher” (big shocker there, huh?) Law & Order’s Richard Belzer claims that he knows more about war than the troops that have a combat tour already under their belt.
Ya know what, Rich? You don’t know enough about being an overly white, weird TV cop. In other words, James B. Sikking knows more about being a TV cop than you do. Is Law and Order the closest you’ve gotten to a firearm in your life?
Fake fake cop
Real fake Cop
Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
Well, we’ve elected our new mayor here in Santa Fe, in a campaign which I think revolved around how illegal our occupation of Iraq is. Oh, and there was something about Wal-Mart too.
In any event, my candidate Donado Coviello/John Coventry/Danny Cabeza de Calabazo of Fat Bill and Me came up just short in his quest for Mayor with 77 votes, or .9% of the total tally.
Personally, I believe my blog should take credit for about 40 of those votes or so. I got the word out, John/Danny/Donado! I’m also going to figure that maybe 10 votes were swayed by the eloquent endorsement of his wife, Maya Blue. She has my respect, because I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to be married to J-D-D.
On the bright side, he can now focus his full energies on his campaign for governor.
Please stop by the blog and send your condolences to J-D-D.
Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
I know most of the folks who come here say to themselves, “You know, I’ve never really seen someone take a bribe. I wonder what that looks like. Could the Donegal Express help me out with that?”
That’s what I’m here for, people. I’m all about helping you.
Save this link (you want broadband for this one, kids) and watch former New Mexico State Treasurer Robert Vigil accept a $10,000 bribe campaign contribution. This is a chunk of an actual FBI surveillance film made by an informant. Since Mr. Vigil is currently arguing in court that the money mentioned is a campaign contribution, I figured I’d be fair and label it as such.
At the same time, the FBI didn’t get a DOJ proseuctor to indict him on accepting “campaign contributions”. I may be wrong, but I don’t think most campaign contributions are given in folded up envelopes in cars parked in the middle of nowhere either. I think most times you write a check and hand it to a really perky eighteen year old wearing a straw hat who then gives you a bunch of bumperstickers and lawn signs. This usually takes place in like, a campaign office or at a fundraiser with really bad food.
I guess they just decided to cut out the bad food and the lawn signs and reduce the bribe campaign contribution to its bare essentials. I guess you can call it a deconstructionist campaign contribution.
A civics note to kids thinking about a career in politics: You may get in trouble if you take a campaign contribution from a guy in a car who says, “Don’t expect more from me until I get some business.” Apparently, it’s an ethical gray area.
If you want to read up on it, you can always check out The New Mexican. They just reported it. They didn’t take any bribes campaign contributions or anything.
Richardson charged that many bloggers are paid “indirectly� by political organizations. “On both sides,� he said, “But I think the preponderance is on the right.�
Ok, where’s my money? Who took my money? I’m serious now, I haven’t received my check from the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy in…well…I’ve never received any money. Now that I find out that “many” of us are paid indirectly, I’m a little ticked off. Personally, I’m blaming either Steve Terrell or Beth. Either the Conspiracy’s New Mexico branch over at the state is giving Steve my money and asking him to walk it over for me, OR My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy writes the checks for the Right Wing Conspiracy, and Beth has decided I don’t do enough politics to get paid for here. Curse you, Beth!
Is it me, or did Gov. Richardson just kick off his campaign for President? I mean, isn’t citing the evil conservative presence on the internet, and then using a throw-away statement like, “they’re in it for the money, unlike our noble and high minded liberal blogging allies” right out of the potential nominee playbook?
On the other hand, maybe the governor just got tongue tied. What I really think he wanted to say was:
“Many state treasurers are paid “directly” by private investment consultants.”
Boy, what would us po’ ol New Mexico Republicans do without Joe Monahan? I mean, not only is he the biggest political blogger in New Mexico, he also cares enough about us to offer his help. In this instance, he’s offering us some rock solid, surefire way to vault into control in New Mexico. We need to address the pitiful state of education like Democrats. Thanks Joe!
Monahan gives us the gist of ex-Governor Gary Carruther’s thoughts on the state of education:
In a bold, blunt assessment, the dean of the New Mexico State University College of Business dares to say what the politicos can’t or won’t–our state’s deep-seated education problems are race-based. The Anglos around here do pretty well, thank you. But widespread pockets of poor performance among Hispanics and Native Americans, not Anglos, is what keeps our state at or near the bottom of the important quality of life rankings.
Now, what do affluent white New Mexicans tend to have greater access to than poorer Hispanic and Indian New Mexicans? Hmm…let me think. Could it be…private schools? Got it! Maybe if we can reduce government interference and get Hispanic and Indian kids into private schools in greater numbers, their test scores will improve. A good way to do that would be to cut taxes so more folks could afford to send their kids to private schools, right?
Oh, oops.
Tax cuts and biz incentives are not going to solve the educational issues Carruthers cites as the root of the problem. It’s going to take a commitment to government.
So if I want my kids (and other kids) to get a better education, I don’t need to push for strong families and increased accessability for disadvantaged kids to attend better schools; I need to make a commitment to government. Gosh, I’m glad Joe is here to help me with that sort of thing. That’s why he /is/ the biggest political blogger in New Mexico.
I’m going to remember that in the future.
Uxor: Tom (she still won’t call me “Tommissar”), Primus needs help with his reading. Can you put down that beer and turn off the TV for a minute to help him with it?
Tommissar:*Ear splitting belch* Shut yer piehole, woman. I don’t need to help Primus with his schoolwork. What I need to do is make a commitment to government. I’ve done my part already. Don’t look at me like that, Joe Monahan says so and he /is/ the biggest political blogger in New Mexico. You gonna disagree with him? Gah! You made me miss that goal the Flyers scored.
But wait, Joe continues. Since he /is/ the biggest political blogger in New Mexico, maybe he doesn’t just rehash liberal boilerplate and attempt to fool Republicans into partaking.
Hispanics and Native Americans have stuck with the Ds through thick and thin, but now with record surpluses available, the R’s have a chance to broaden their appeal by following Carruthers and dealing with reality. If NM is to get out of the cellar, programs and policies need to be crafted that directly impact the particular woes of Hispanic and Indian New Mexico. Couldn’t a middle-of-the-road GOP do that and not alienate its Anglo base? Why not? Could they do it in a fiscally responsible fashion? That’s their calling card, isn’t it?
Oh, oops. My bad. Joe thinks that Republicans should start throwing money around like me at Best Buy because there are surpluses. That’s what the other side calls “fiscally responsible”. I think I’ll try that one too!
Tommissar: Honey, guesst what? I could a huge bonus at work today!
Uxor: You did? That’s wonderful! How big is it, how much will we be able to add toour savings account?
Tommissar: Nothing! I went out and got a case of Guinness, Battlefield 2, and a new video card.
Uxor: Are you nuts? We want to buy a house! How could you just throw away money like that?
Tommissar: Look, I don’t know where you get your weird ideas, but I was fiscally responsible! This was surplus money, after all. When you blow surplus money, that’s the essence of fiscal responsibility. After all, that’s what Joe Monahan says and he /is/ the biggest political blogger in New Mexico. Don’t tell me you think you know better than he does. Good! Now, fix me some dinner.
Finally, before I get comments about how I’m jealous or anything…it’s true, Joe Monahan is the biggest political blogger in New Mexico. However, I /am/ the biggest blogger in New Mexico. If this were prison, I’d have my own personal corner of the yard and Joe would be running to fetch me cigarettes.
Just because you are Hispanic and pudgy does not make you Fernando Valenzuela.
Just so we’re clear on this:
Drafted Not Drafted
Now, most people might think I’m being a bit harsh on our governor. Nothing could be further from the thought! Not only am I not ridiculing him, I empathize with him. I can relate; I’ve been there.
You see, long long ago, I once tried to impress this really cute redhead by claiming I had been drafted by the Seattle Mariners back in the early 90’s. Like I said, “Who would pretend to be drafted by the Mariners?” She asked me to prove it, so I said, “OK. Ask me about baseball.”
Since no guy would know anything about baseball unless he was playing professionally, she believed me. I guess Bill and I were on the same minor league team, in a way. We played for the Male Daydreams. Heck, we might have even taken imaginary BP, participated in some fantasy drills, even shared a make-believe bench through our non-existent season. Let me tell you, those pretend bus rides were grueling!
The big difference was this: I was only going to carry my bit of play-acting for a few weeks, tops; I wasn’t going to stretch it through a few election cycles.
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