The Donegal Express

April 4, 2006

What I want is answers, nimrod!
–Spike

Filed under: Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @

The answers to the Philadelphia Quiz:

    #1. If you’ve got a passion for fashion, and you’ve got a craving for savings….what should you do?


    You listen here.
    (Credit for the clip.)

    #2. Who’s the King of Matresses?

    King Aaron!

    #3. Who owned the “Store of the Stars”?


    Krass Brothers

    #4. What did they sell?

    Men’s suits

    #5. You’re at a Flyers game in the 70’s-early 80’s. Bobby Clarke is locked up with some random Ranger, and they’re trading blows. Someone yells, “Bite ‘em, Bobby!” Why is this funny?

    By this time, nearly all of Bobby’s teeth were knocked out.

    #6. Spell the name of the Philadelphia football team.

    The Eagles. That’s spelled I-G-G-L-E-S.

    #7. Complete the transmission related phrase, “Don’t get frantic…”

    Call Atlantic [Transmissions]!

    (Bonus: place the accent)

    Kensington

    #8. “We do it just a little bit better.” who are we?


    Wawa!

    #9. What mayor is famed for being photographed in a tux with a nightstick jammed into his cummerbund?



    Frank Rizzo

    #10. Where was the MOVE compound that done got blown up by mayor Wilson Goode, causing several blocks to go up in a massive firestorm?


    Osage Ave.

    #11. Who struck out Willie Wilson to win the 1980 World Series for the Phillies?


    Tug McGraw

    #12. What time was it when he did so?

    11:29 pm

    #13. Who was “watching you” in the music video done in the late 80’s by the Philadelphia football team?

    Buddy (Ryan)’s Watching You.
    Technically
    “and the Philly fans are too”

    #14. These are tiny chicken wings, like a buffalo wing without the sauce. They’re heavily breaded and fried. What are they called?

    Wing dings!

    (No one got that right.)

    #15. What’s the original route of the Mummer’s Parade?


    Down broad street past the judges stands, then cutting across fourteen or so blocks to start down 2nd street from above South Street to the clubhouse.

    #16. What UHF channel went off the air in the early 1980’s?

    Channel 48

    #17. In the late 70’s/early 80’s what 60’s TV sitcom aired on channel 17 at 1pm on weekdays?

    Hogan’s Heroes

    #18. This top Philadelphia restaurant has a name that also refers to a type of early trade in the publishing industry. What is it?

    #19. There was once a gentleman’s rule that no building would be taller than what?

    The top of William Penn’s hat…


    …on City Hall.

    #20. What was “reputed crime boss” Phil Testa’s nickname?

The Chickenman

Congratulations To:

m2 from martha, martha. She scored 16/20.

When I get the time and effort, m2 will get a copy of DH Lawrence’s “The Plumed Serpent”. It was left on my desk by some previous employee and has been sitting here for over a year. Way to go, m2!


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Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com

March 21, 2006

He said he lived in Philadelphia, but he may have lied.
–Hannibal Lecter

Filed under: Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @

I get a lot of traffic from Philadelphia to this site (go figure). It makes me wonder, “How many of these folks actually grew up in Philly?” With that in mind, I’ve put together the following quiz.

(Don’t answer in the comboxes. Send an email to Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com with them. The answers will be posted next week. The person with the most correct answers will be announced, and maybe even a prize will be given out.)

    #1. If you’ve got a passion for fashion, and you’ve got a craving for savings….what should you do?

    #2. Who’s the King of Matresses?

    #3. Who owned the “Store of the Stars”?

    #4. What did they sell?

    #5. You’re at a Flyers game in the 70’s-early 80’s. Bobby Clarke is locked up with some random Ranger, and they’re trading blows. Someone yells, “Bite ‘em, Bobby!” Why is this funny?

    #6. Spell the name of the Philadelphia football team.

    #7. Complete the transmission related phrase, “Don’t get frantic…”
    (Bonus: place the accent)

    #8. “We do it just a little bit better.” who are we?

    #9. What mayor is famed for being photographed in a tux with a nightstick jammed into his cummerbund?

    #10. Where was the MOVE compound that done got blown up by mayor Wilson Goode, causing several blocks to go up in a massive firestorm?

    #11. Who struck out Willie Wilson to win the 1980 World Series for the Phillies?

    #12. What time was it when he did so?

    #13. Who was “watching you” in the music video done in the late 80’s by the Philadelphia football team?

    #14. These are tiny chicken wings, like a buffalo wing without the sauce. They’re heavily breaded and fried. What are they called?

    #15. What’s the original route of the Mummer’s Parade?

    #16. What UHF channel went off the air in the early 1980’s?

    #17. In the late 70’s/early 80’s what 60’s TV sitcom aired on channel 17 at 1pm on weekdays?

    #18. This top Philadelphia restaurant has a name that also refers to a type of early trade in the publishing industry. What is it?

    #19. There was once a gentleman’s rule that no building would be taller than what?

    #20. What was “reputed crime boss” Phil Testa’s nickname?

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January 6, 2006

A Reminder

Filed under: Catholic, Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @


Ora pro nobis

I’m only one day off, since we did have to go celebrate.

St. John Neumann’s story is here.

January 4, 2006

Depressed

Filed under: Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @

Every year I get depressed for a few days. It’s always at the start of the year too. Why?

The Mummers Parade

String Bands

Now I know most of you are shaking your heads and saying, “What on earth is he going on about?” I understand, because most of you are not from Philadelphia and are therefore uncivilized. Since I’m all about being positive, I figure I’ll build a few bridges here and give you all some background.



Fancy Brigades

The origins of the Mummers Parade can date all the way back to the 1700s and even before. This tradition relates back the Swedish who settled outside of Philadelphia, along the roads of Tinicum and Kingsessing. They brought their tradition of “Second Day Christmas” where they would visit their friends. Eventually this tradition extended to the New Year. Marking the occasion were the loud noises that filled the air. Using their pistols and muskets, bells and other noise makers the Philadelphia locals paraded down the streets. The firing of the guns to welcome in the New Year became associated with the Now Year’s Shooters. This is how the tradition evolved.



Comics

There’s a lot more stuff to learn, so you should just head to the Mummer’s Web Site because I’m really too depressed to go on. Another year I’ve missed the parade, it’s been over a decade.

In any event, I’ll be good in a week or so. In the meantime, here’s Ferko String Band playing “Alabama Jubilee“. Listen to it, ya heathen, or I’ll ban you from the site.

PS The first person that can tell me the difference between a String Band and a Fancy Brigade gets added to the blogroll.

December 9, 2005

I Should Be Smacked

Filed under: Philadelphia, History, Leftists — Der Tommissar @

It’s been twenty-four years, and I’d almost forgot to post this. Someone should hit me in the head with a brick.

On December 9, 1981, at approximately 3:55 a.m., Officer Danny Faulkner, a five year veteran of the Philadelphia Police Department, made a traffic stop at Locust Street near Twelfth Street. The car stopped by Officer Faulkner was being driven by William Cook. After making the stop, Danny called for assistance on his police radio and requested a police wagon to transport a prisoner. Unbeknownst to him, William Cook’s brother, Wesley (aka Mumia Abu-Jamal) was across the street. As Danny attempted to handcuff William Cook, Mumia Abu-Jamal ran from across the street and shot the officer in the back. Danny turned and was able to fire one shot that struck Abu-Jamal in the chest; the wounded officer then fell to the pavement. Mumia Abu-Jamal stood over the downed officer and shot him four more times at close range, once directly in the face. Mumia Abu-Jamal was found still at the scene of the shooting by officers who arrived there within seconds. The murderer was slumped against the curb in front of his brother’s car. In his possession was a .38 caliber revolver that records showed Mumia had purchased months earlier. The chamber of the gun had five spent cartridges. A cab driver, as well as other pedestrians, had witnessed the brutal slaying and identified Mumia Abu-Jamal as the killer both at the scene and during his trial. On July 2, 1982, after being tried before a jury of ten whites and two blacks, Mumia Abu-Jamal was convicted of murdering Officer Danny Faulkner. The next day, the jury sentenced him to death after deliberating for two hours. The Supreme Court of Pennsylvania heard the defendant’s appeals and upheld the conviction on March 6, 1989.

This champion of peace and tolerance that the left holds so dear, is, of course, the same…man…who while in a local hospital being treated for his wounds bellowed:

“I shot the m— f— and I hope the m— f— dies.”

The lowest of filth in the US and abroad agitated for years, making this…individual…into some sort of political prisoner. After years of lying about his murder and terrorizing the slain officer’s wife, Maureen, these ILQ’s (Individuals of Low Quality) finally succeeded in having the death penalty (but NOT the conviction) overturned. Mumia still sits in a federal pen, the hero to hundreds of scatterbrained college girls who spend four years “getting back at mommy and daddy” with any guy that comes along.

If Mumia Abu-Jamal can’t be executed, then he must be kept in prison for the rest of his natural life.

October 13, 2005

Good Friday

Filed under: Catholic, Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @

This is an actual story.

My older brother eventually became a good guy, once I learned I could get revenge on him while waiting until he fell asleep. However, sometimes…the little mouse just didn’t run on the wheel very fast.

This actually occurred during Good Friday services one year:

The Priest (starting the unveiling of our gigantic Good Friday cross): This is the wood of the Cross on which hung the Savior of the World.

Older brother (whispering): How did it end up here?

Dad (whispering): The Pope loves Philadelphia. Where do you think he’d send it, Baltimore?

Older brother (whispering): But wouldn’t they keep it up at the Basilica for Cardinal Krol?

Mom (whispering hoarsely after cracking my brother sharply in the back of the head and shooting my dad a glance that would kill most mortal men): QUIET!

Dad (whispering and really trying not to laugh): I thought you said I needed to be more involved in their religious education?

Me (in prayer to Jesus): When I become a priest I’ll never take a stipend. I’ll have to save all my Masses for my family.

October 12, 2005

What /IS/ a Cultural Catholic?

Filed under: Catholic, Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @

Ok, I’ve been getting this question for all day, and for good reason. I’ll try to give an answer. Unfortunately for you all, my answers will be oblique because there really isn’t a good clear definition for such a person. So you’ll be getting vignette and anecdotes and a general definition.

A Cultural Catholic is a person who continues to observe many external actions of the Faith, in many cases even when not fully sure of the significance.

Most people are assuming a Ted Kennedy or a John Kerry would be a cultural Catholic. This is not entirely true, since such folks tend to have a good idea of what the Faith means, but ignore it. Cultural Catholics cling to what they were taught, whatever that may have been. In some cases, those externals take on a life of their own.

As an example, one question dealt with Mass Cards. If you ask the average cultural Catholic to expand on the doctrine of Purgatory, or on the question of indulgences, you may be met with a blank stare. If you suggest to her sending flowers to the funeral instead you will be quite firmly told, “We are not Protestants.”

The Mass Card, or the rosary, or the scapular is what Catholics “do”. Do I blame the person for not knowing fully the impact of their actions? Of course not! In the first place, many folks received abysmal catechesis while growing up. In the second place, there is not a written exam to get into heaven. I like St. Thomas Aquinas, but if we all need to have St. Thomas Aquinas’ knowledge of theology to merit heaven, heaven will be a pretty empty place. As this Pope John Paul II ubergeneration, or whatever Father O’Leary calls us, we are so into getting the latest book from TAN, or checking up on Scott Hahn or parsing the Catechism for the nine trillionth time that we forget most normal people don’t operate that way. Guess what, God doesn’t intend for most people to operate our way. In a truly Catholic environment, one whiff of incense during Exposition and Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament is worth more than five years of studying transubstantiation.

We say often say “Lex orandi; lex credendi” that we tend to forget most people do operate solely on “lex orandi” not “lex liberi”.

Sadly, we have something nowadays known as converts. Don’t get me wrong; I like converts. I’m really happy they joined the team and came on over for the big win. But in many cases, you get converts who have spent so much time studying and firing up the zeal for the faith, they can’t relate to folks who do not equate Catholicism with months of intense study. These folks then tend to denigrate the level of faith or understanding of the cradle Catholics around them. This can lead to a circle of hostility as those new to the Faith try to impose their particular rigor on those around them while those born in it retreat even further into externals as a test of orthopraxy.

Since I’ve taken it upon myself to stand up for cultural Catholics, I’ll take up the banner. Please go easy on them, converts/reverts. While you may have invested time and effort into studying the Faith and took many risks to embrace the Faith, do not fault those of us who don’t read as much theology as being “lazy”. Please remember, you may have studied and converted, but we prayed for you to receive the grace to want to study and the strength to convert. In a very real way, you owe us. Remember, when you don’t have questions, you tend not to look for answers.

The rest of the description is external gravy. Cultural Catholics tend to be urban, unionized ethnic-Americans. They gather in great cities like Philadelphia, and lesser cities like New York, Chicago and Boston. Many of them still tend to vote Democrat, even though the party has hardly any resemblence to their beliefs. This mostly comes from the fact that Democrat party bosses like Boss Tweed got Catholics jobs when no one else would hire them, the Democrat party was the only one to stand up to the Know Nothings in the 1850’s, and some of Richard Nixon’s people put red nailpolish on the head of George Washington’s profile on quarters as a crude way of saying electing a Catholic means rule by the Pope.

To most of these folks, the Irish potato famine occurred last Thursday. Do you think they’re ready to forget about what the Nixon people did?

Cultural Catholics also tend to take a very…concrete…view of sin and suffering. Numbers of us were frightened out of our wits going to certain relatives houses and seeind the paintings and statuary kept on the premises. After visiting one aunt’s house for years, I can watch the Passion of the Christ without batting an eye. It looks a bit watered down to me.

When I was four, I asked my grandmother for a bedtime story. I was hoping for something with like pirates and swordfights or space explorers or whatever. My grandmother was from Poland. She tucked me in and told me this story:

Once upon a time there was a mother with a little boy. The mother loved her little boy very much, but he was very wicked and cruel. He never listened to his mother, and often yelled at her. At times, he even struck her when she asked him to behave. She cried and cried and did her best to make him a good boy, but he never listened to her.

One day, the boy and his mother were struck by a car and killed. The mother, due to the suffering she bore from her child, went immediately to heaven and received a gold crown. The boy went to hell. As a further punishment, God willed that the boy’s hand would stick up out of the grave. Through snow and rain and heat it stuck in the air, cracking and peeling. The mother pleaded with God to have mercy, and let her son’s hand return to the grave. God refused. He told the mother the hand would return to the grave only after she beat it with a stick. The mother had tried everything to correct her boy, with the exception of beating him. Now that the boy was in hell, he was still required to receive one beating from his mother for the sins he committed against her. Weeping, the mother reached down from heaven and picked up a stick by the grave. With that stick, she beat her son’s hand until it bled, all the while being consoled by the Blessed Virgin. Finally, the little boy’s hand sunk back into the grave, and his body was left to rest in peace until the Last Day. On that day, it will join the soul of the little boy in hell for all eternity.

Good night, my Tommy. *click*

Uhh, good night, Ponjie. So much for pirates and space explorers.

To this day, my wife can’t understand how I can watch what she considers “terrifying” horror movies. Steven King is an amateur next to my grandmother.

Conversely, Cultural Catholics tend to fall more on the celebratory side than the repenting side of the liturgical year. Baptisms, confirmations, feast days, all excuses for lavish parites. While it’s true we haven’t figured out a way to make Ash Wednesday into an occasion to throw a block party, rest assured that we have people working on that while we speak. Yeah, I know. I read the section above this too. It’s the duality of man, the Jungian thing.

Cultural Catholics in America feel little need to agitate for monarchy as we already live in a feudal society centered around the parish. The pastor ruled with as near an iron hand as you will see in this country. All the while, there were landed gentry surrounding him. This gentry was known as the women who ran the parish. For the most part, they differed from the modern bitter DRE type so common today in that they gave no thought to a theological agenda. It wasn’t about advancing Kung or Fox. It was about advancing the altar and flower society over the Blue Army. Folks from the Balkans and the Middle East would send observers to cultural Catholic neighborhoods to take notes on tribal infighting and bearing vendettas for generations.

The following is a true story from my life. I was saving it for November 11th, which is not only the anniversary of my Confirmation, it is also the feast of St. Martin of Tours.

I’ll start with a small story.

My name is Thomas Joseph

My mother’s father’s name was Thomas Joseph Boyle (he died well before I was born).

So as they say, “So it’s himself you’re named after.”

I was confirmed at age 11, in our Parish Church in Philadelphia.

Look at the photos, look at the stained glass. I was surrounded with this.

The wreckers still haven’t gotten their grubby mitts on it. I actually remember coming back from college, and going to a meeting (hell, this wasn’t even my parish anymore at the time) about proprosed renovations. This one guy brought up some…progressive plans. During the comments section I got up and said, “I’ll fight you.”

Then I sat down.

When I said, “I’ll fight you” I didn’t mean I’d start a petition or raise a legal challenge.

They didn’t go with them.

Anyhow….you need to get some background. My dad was in the military, and retired in 1976 after twenty some odd years. He immediately went into the merchant marine, where he’d be gone for weeks at a time. My mother was responsible for (at the time) four boys and a bedridden mother. Now, you tell me what kind of woman can raise four boys by herself in an ethnic neighborhood. Back to the story…so it 1984, and I’m prepping for Confirmation. My mother tells me, “Your confirmation name will be Michael.”

Now, I had my kid’s “Butler’s Lives of the Saints” which I read every day, and I had read about St. Martin of Tours. I thought he was cool because he was a Roman soldier and because Christ came and told Martin how happy he had made him with that “cutting the cloak” bit. So I turned around.

“Mom. I have already decided to take the name ‘Martin’. I love St. Martin of Tours and I want him to be my patron.”

“Your grandfather was Thomas Joseph Michael. YOU will be Thomas Joseph Michael.”

“But ma, I..”

*backhand*

Don’t you dare talk back to me!

Three weeks before Confirmation, my mom had us run some errands. She asked me to go to the corner grocery (we didn’t have supermarkets. We had “corner stores”.) and get some milk and eggs. She told my older brother to go the rectory and get two Mass cards from Father. A friend’s mother had died.

When we both got outside the front door. I turned to my brother. “Look” says I, “you hate going to see Father, because he’s always after you for quitting being an altar boy. I hate standing in line at the grocery. Why don’t we just switch.” So we did. You see, I had a plan.

So I go see Father Joseph Sikora. I tell him I’m there to buy two Mass cards, and he sits me in his office while he goes and gets them. Father still had Catholic books that were in rough leather with Latin words in gold embossed and lots of little ribbons on them. Not like today when a priest’s office looks like a cheap lending library. When he comes back, I ask quietly. “Father, is it ok if I talk with you? There’s something I need to discuss.” Father sits, like he was personally going to judge the Quick and the Dead.

I explain my dilemna with my mom.

He doesn’t say a word. Finally, he stands up, walks me to the door and shakes my hand. He /never/ did that before. “Pray, Tommy. God places obstacles and gives us all suffering, so we may grow in grace.”

I walk home with the Mass cards. Damn it! I was hoping /he/ would at least understand.

I get home at the same time as my brother. When we walk in (it’s all of a five minute walk from the Church to my house back then), my mother’s on the phone. She sees me come in. She sees me come in HOLDING THE MASS CARDS, and then she pales. In that moment, she knew why she was getting such a strange phonecall out of the blue. She knew what I did.

Father Sikora was on the phone with my mother. He didn’t talk to her on the phone. He SUMMONED her to his office. Right. This. Second.

My mother is at the door, she glances back at us as she opens it. There will be pain tonight. My older brother is like, “What did you do? Why am I going to get a beating? What did you do to me?”

Then he starts to pummel me in retaliation for whatever he was going to get later that day.

My mother was there for an hour and a half.

She came home shaken and drawn.

“If you really want to take that name. Then you go ahead and break your mother’s heart and take it.”

She didn’t speak to me until after my Confirmation.

So I’m Thomas Joseph Martin

To this day, my mother hasn’t forgotten this. I was twenty-six years old, and went to her with a problem. Her first response was, “You knew how to go to the priest to get that name, so I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to…”

I heard snippets of the conversation in later years.

“Faithless woman, how dare you stand in the path of the Communion of Saints…Your stubborn pride adds to the sufferings of your father in purgatory….Your will is standing in the way of graces that are being showered on your son…for so young a boy to be so mature as to decide on a patron…You seek to ruin the plan God has had for your son since the beginning of time.” And you can be certain my mother wasn’t a shrinking violet during their little chat. A shrieking violet, maybe.

You asked me what does a Cultural Catholics look like. I could sit and give you something more cerebral, or more clear in detail. But that story above is what my heart remembers when I think of growing up Catholic.

July 8, 2005

We don’t have any ramifications, all we’ve got is this cannon!
–Ernest P. Worrell

Filed under: Catholic, Philadelphia, History — Der Tommissar @

[NB: This Post was delayed a day due to the attack in London]

All of the following original source accounts were obtained from the Gilder Lehrman Center.

Today is a very special day here at The Donegal Express; here we mark the 161st anniversary of when the Protestants Came To Blow Up My Parish Church. This occurred during a much larger period of rioting in the spring and summer of 1844, which became known as the Philadelphia Bible Riots.

As we all know by now, I “blew up an altar call”. However, I’ve never blown up a church; this puts me ahead of the Know-Nothing or “Nativist” movement. Final tally:

    Nativists: 2
    Tom: 0

(more…)

February 8, 2005

He helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho, he helped Daniel get out the lion’s den, he helped Gilligan get off the island.
–Rev. Brown

Filed under: General, I Laughed, Catholic, Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @

I was reading Fructus Ventris earlier today, when I noticed something interesting.

Over at Open Book, I read a comment that basically opined that the song “My Way” was the most anti-Christian song of the last several decades. I am inclined to agree.

I disagree. This whole thing brought back a high school flashback. The most anti-Christian song of the last few decades is Whitney Houston’s “The Greatest Love of All”.

(more…)

February 6, 2005

WHATEVER

Filed under: General, I Laughed, What was I thinking?, Philadelphia — Der Tommissar @

(Originally Posted on The Wide Awakes)

God, I hate the Patriots

Yet, I love Guinness. I guess I can find a balance in sweet, sweet oblivion.

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