I don’t like Rush Limbaugh, ok? Personally, I think all the talent and intelligence in that family went to his brother, David.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know, who can I call myself a conservative and not worship Rush. I know I know I know, “Doesn’t that delay the reception of your marching orders from the VWRC?”
As some folks might know, I’m not as economically conservative as the average Republican. I’m all for lower taxes (and I support the integration of Church and State. After all, the Church only asked for 10%) and against government controlled welfare programs. Those are things much better handled by local charitable and religious organizations. After that however, I tend to part ways with many on the Right. For instance, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what Caleb Stegall has to say about unfettered capitalism.
I’d rather be stuck in a room with the worst and most obnoxious member of the “Religious Right” than with some strongly corporate Republican. After all, no matter how insane-sounding and annoying the biggest Jerry Falwell guy can get, at least deep down he’s spouting off like he does because he loves God and figures that’s what God would want him to do. The other guy is what, trying to squeeze and extra couple points per quarter in profit? At some point, doesn’t that get a little creepy, dedicating your life to an extra couple points per quarter?
In any event, I bring this up because I was reminded of a show Rush did for laughs a while back. He asked callers to call in and tell him how much money someone had to make to be “rich”. Then he got some chuckles from folks calling with “Anyone who makes over $50,000 a year is rich” or “Anyone who takes home more than two grand a month is rich”. I guess his point was, I dunno, there really is no such thing as “the rich” because everyone has a different idea of what it means to be “rich”.
I thought we were the party of objective truth?
Back to my point. I had to go shopping with the wife a little while ago, and while we were getting the groceries I noticed a few things. Do you know there are companies that make peanut butter and jelly in one jar? That way you can just spread peanut butter and jelly on bread without having to get out two jars. This “convenience” comes with quite a pricetag compared to regular peanut butter or jelly jars. Also, there are personal gourmet mac and cheese bowls in the frozen foods section. For like, five dollars you can get a bowl of mac and cheese and microwave it. That extra four dollars and ninety-nine cents or whatever it is spares you the indignity of mixing milk and butter into a saucepan.
Then, we pass the seafood section. This is New Mexico, you can’t find a clam in this entire state. They get mussels and they even get scallops, but not one clam. It amazes me. Forget about asking for soft-shelled crab.
“No, I want soft-shelled crab.”
“Um, these crabs look good to me. I’m sure you can cook them however you need to make the shells soft.”
The thing of it is, I don’t even like soft-shelled crabs. But once I can’t find something that I’ve seen growing up, I will go to war. Like Scrapple for instance. Scrapple is something they could put on Fear Factor to make sure no one ever wins the money. I had a bird fly through a vent and into a hot water heater once, where it scalded itself to death. I came home with the scent of scalded sparrow hanging in the air and thought, “Who on earth was making Scrapple”? Now that no one knows what it is, it’s the world’s finest food.
So like I was saying, I was in the seafood section of the supermarket. I look in the window and they’re selling these gigantic King crab legs. They were about three feet long and three inches around. The sign said, $14.99/lb.
This young little Hispanic woman has her shopping cart and was looking at the seafood too. I noticed she had in her cart the pbj in one jar thing and like, four of those gourmet microwavable mac and cheeses. She then asks the seafood guy for five pounds of the King Crab.
So the guy asks her, “Would you like them frozen, or ready to eat tonight?” And the woman replies, “Tonight. I think they’re going to have the crab tonight.”
And I thought, “Wow, that’s a really weird way to answer. Wouldn’t she know if she was going to eat…” and then it hit me.
She’s somebody’s housekeeper.
So here Rush, let me help you out. When you have your housekeeper pick up the pbj in one jar, the gourmet mac and cheese and $75 worth of crab, guess what? You’re the rich. Let me know if there’s anything else you need help figuring out, because you know, I’m here for you guy.
Do you have a cat you want to share with us? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
The divine Trinity _ “Father, Son and Holy Spirit” _ could also be known as “Mother, Child and Womb” or “Rock, Redeemer, Friend” at some Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) services under an action Monday by the church’s national assembly.
Delegates to the meeting voted to “receive” a policy paper on gender- inclusive language for the Trinity, a step short of approving it. That means church officials can propose experimental liturgies with alternative phrasings for the Trinity, but congregations won’t be required to use them.
*snip*
Besides “Mother, Child and Womb” and “Rock, Redeemer, Friend,” proposed Trinity options drawn from biblical material include:
_ “Lover, Beloved, Love”
_ “Creator, Savior, Sanctifier”
_ “King of Glory, Prince of Peace, Spirit of Love.”
Moderator of the 216th General Assembly, Rick Ufford-Chase
Send email to Rick Ufford-Chase
Subject:
Inclusive language for the Trinity
Message:
Dear Mr. Chase:
It is with great interest that I read the news of your Assembly’s decision about additional versions of the invocation of the Trinity.
I’d like to take this time to congratulate the Presbyterian Church (USA) for this bold move. After all, the letter of the law is death, but it is the spirit that brings life. Or something.
In any event, I wanted to take this opportunity to be of assistance as your denomination explores its faith journey as a community of hope.
As part of your outreach to contemporary people, may I suggest using “Paper, Scissor, Rock” as a valid invocation of the Trinity? After all, Christ does cover us in a new garment when we experience him in our hearts, much like paper. And of course, the Holy Spirit cuts through us to our deepest being.
Oh, oops. My bad. I see you’re not running this Assembly. Could you please pass this on to Ms. Joan S. Gray? I can’t seem to find her email address on your site.
God bless,
Tom
Your message to Rick Ufford-Chase has been sent.
On a side note, you people need to read Jimmy the Hand more. This is not a suggestion.
Earlier, I wrote about an piece written by some Canadian woman. Her name, for the record, is Lydia Lovric. Jimmy actually got her to reply in an online forum. TSucht is the power of Jimmy the Hand, folks.
Jth: Lydia, just for the record, you’re an idiot. Five minutes of research would have shown you that you are raising a heathen, not a heretic. YOU, dear lady, are the heretic (and an apostate, for that matter). Having been baptized, you are dissenting from the Church on a matter of faith and morals. Your statement is a textbook example of heresy.
Lydia: Sorry to disappoint you J, but I did not use the term “heretic” incorrectly. The Oxford English Dictionary describes heresy as the following:
• noun (pl. heresies) 1 belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious (especially Christian) doctrine. 2 opinion profoundly at odds with what is generally accepted.
So, we are indeed raising or planning to raise a heretic.
That’s nice, but The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition is a bit more detailed in its definition:
Heresy:
#1. An opinion or a doctrine at variance with established religious beliefs, especially dissension from or denial of Roman Catholic dogma by a professed believer or baptized church member.
So why should someone go with the “American” Dictionary over the “English” Dictionary?
How about because we rule the world. As a matter of fact, you people are lucky we even let you still call the language “English” and not “American”. You’re about ten minutes away from us doing just that too, if y’all don’t get in line and stop ticking us off.
Or we can go with the less interesting reason that the second definition provides more context than the first. What that means is simple, no sane person would call a Jew a heretic (you can make the case for Muslims being heretics, according to one famous historian). Neither would you call a Buddhist or a Hindu a heretic. The reasoning for this is obvious, you have to be a member of a group to reject that group’s doctrines. After all, what would I care about Muslim dietary laws?
As we can see, membership is required to be what can be called a heretic. How does one enter the Church? Through baptism.
Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
Never let it be said that this place is an echo chamber.
eD mURPHY graced an old post of mine with the following comment. Since I am all about diversity of opinion, not only do I allow dissenting comments, I tend to push them up into posts of their own so everyone can see them.
Am I not merciful?
AM I NOT MERCIFUL?
Your little treatist on Catholism promugates the stereotyping of our faith. The hyperbole that many Cathoics use in describing their Catholic schools, nuns, priests, and religous believes does a great disservice to us all.
Mr. mURPHY, thank you for providing some reasoning behind your comments. There’s nothing I appreciate more than someone taking the time to back up criticisms with facts.
My bad, you didn’t do that.
In any event, let’s take a look at the argument here.
My post has encouraged the stereotyping of the Catholic Faith.
New flash, eD, people stereotype without provocation. If it’s me personally that you’re worried about providing the legions of Church haters with fresh ammunition, I’d have to think you’ve got a bit too much time on your hands.
On a related note, it’s not a stereotype if it’s true. I don’t know where you get the mystic powers to know my life’s story, but that was a pretty spot-on accurate depiction. I wanted a certain Confirmation name and my mother point-blank refused. I went to the priest about it and he called her on the mat. It was brutal. I’m sorry they didn’t sit and have tea and discuss Persian poetry, but that’s not what happened. Deal with it.
Do you know what, eD? I like that “stereotype”. I like the fact that the parish priest was a benevolent despot who only got involved on things that touched religion when asked. I liked that whole “patriarchy” thing; I liked that there was another strong male role model besides my dad. Heck, I like the fact that in a neighborhood like where I grew up, you had several strong male role models, from the priest to the guy who just got out of college and spent his spare time working for free in the Rec Department setting up whiffle ball leagues and flag football leagues and helped make sure we had more to do than run the streets. I liked that the guy who ran the candy store was like an extra kindly grandfather who’d slip an extra Hershey bar in your bag. I liked that we had nuns who wore habits and Christian Brothers who did the same. I liked that we got smacked if we acted up, and I liked that the smart play was to never mention it to your folks, because you’d get an extra belt, “for whatever the nuns missed.”
Do you know what I can’t stand? I can’t stand people who whine or make jokes about how horrible the “old days” were. I only got a taste of the tail end of those days myself, so I can say to anyone who tells me, “You don’t know what it was like back then.”
“Yeah, but I know what it’s like now.”
We’ve had a generation of talentless hacks make something resembling a living recycling ruler jokes. I’m not angry with this; I feel pity. You see while most people laugh when folks whine about how roughly they were treated, we had a little name for folks like that. We called them, “pansies.” I mean, if you can’t get over a whack on the knuckles from twenty years ago, you must be one delicate little sunflower. Seriously, those people got what little character they do have from those beatings they got in Catholic school. Without those nuns, those guys would be up in bell towers with rifles, tears streaming down their faces:
“Daddy never hugged me enough”
*click-click*POW*click-click*
“Daddy never hugged me enough”
*click-click*POW*click-click*
My advice to guys like that is, “Try to grow a pair. You can’t buy them with your double latte at Starbucks.”
<Niedermeyer>Finally, do you know what I like most about those days? I like the fact that when I went to talk to my parish priest he didn’t try to bend me over his desk.
You wanna talk about people who promulgate stereotypes? Let’s talk about the whole, “priest nails altar boy” thing. Ok? Maybe those folks need your lecturing; I get plenty from my wife.</Niedermeyer>
So, eD mURPHY, let’s make a deal here. Why don’t you go google “priest molests boy” and contact each and every one of those guys to express your dismay. Then, after you’ve gone and got in touch with every pederast still living, then you may come here and whine at me.
There are days when I don’t play well with others. Usually, this occurs very frequently around folks who “do ministry” at your local Catholic church.
In keeping with the spirit of “Susie Day“, I was poking around at The Devout Life, when I saw this:
I just had a funny thought. I remember years ago when the parishes changed, “this is the word of the Lord” to “the word of the Lord”
…
Wouldn’t it be funny if they just changed it to “Word” and everyone chanted in response, “Yo!”
Once upon a time, I was a catechist. I was about oh, twenty-two at the time and something of a hothead (unlike the even-keeled, laid back guy I am today). My DRE urged me to read a few works by Kung and Shillerbix (I know that’s not how his name is spelled, and I know I could find the correct spelling easily online. However, he’s a heretic and therefore not worth the time to do so.) when I first was accepted. We got along swimmingly after that.
One day, I was called into the DRE’s office. Again.
“Tommissar,” says she, “I was walking past your classroom when I heard your students praying.”
“Well,” says I, “being as how this is a religion class I thought that would be a good idea.”
“Yes of course,” says she, “but it was how they were praying…the form of the prayer. We have a small problem here.”
“Sure now, we’re having a problem with the Ave? With the Hail Mary?” says I, in disbelief.
“Don’t put words in my mouth!” says she, quite irate. “You have your children saying:
Hail Mary, full of grace the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amonst women,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.“
“And it’s all that you were hearing while just passing the door?” says I. “I didn’t notice that you broke your leg. I’ll have my mother make a casserole for you to eat while recovering. That’ll be a nice Christian act.”
Ignoring the implications, she continued, “You’re upsetting the spirit of community among the children. All of the other grades say ‘are’, ‘you’, and ‘your’ instead of ‘art’, ‘thou’, and ‘thy.’”
“Why?”
“Because it’s archaic. You can’t expect children to understand that, so we’ve changed it. You’ll need to implement this in your class.”
I’m not an engineer. I don’t “implement”.
“Ok, if you can answer a question for me, I’ll be happy to change.”
And then, a phrase was born:
Riddle me this….
…if saying, “art” and “thou” and “thy” are hard for children to understand, why on earth are you people keeping, “Hail”? Who says that anymore? What, they can magically grasp “Hail” but not those other words? Explain this to me.
“Well, you see…..”
“No, you don’t get to say there’s no easy word to replace, ‘hail’. We both know that’s not true. After all, you can make it the ‘Hey Mary’. That’s easy to understand for the kids, right?”
Silence.
“Ah! You really would like the kids to be saying the ‘Hey Mary’, wouldn’t you? I can see it in those beady little renewed eyes. You people are counting the days until you can slip in the ‘Hey Mary’ on us benighted Catholics, aren’t you?”
“I really find your tone to be…”
“Hey Mary”
“Honestly, this display is beneath your..”
“Hey Mary!”
“If this is how you’re going to respond to reasoned..”
“Hey Mary! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a class to teach. Whenever you can find a replacement for me, you let me know. Oh, that’s right. You’ve renewed people in the Spirit, in the Spirit of not wanting to have anything to do with you people. Since you can’t find enough people to teach the classes with me helping, I guess it’ll be a while before you can find a replacement. God bless.”
Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
Some folks have trouble with the documents of Vatican II. In the first place, most of these things can be written in a way that seems convoluted to most folks. A good many people nowadays are “impatient readers”, readers who expect not to spend too much effort in attempting to comprehend what is written. Also, there is the ever-lurking “Spirit of Vatican II” which progressives use to pervert the teachings of the Church to fit current fashions.
Somebody needs to do something about this. Someone needs to provide clear, orthodox meansings to the reams of written words produced by the Council. That’s where I come in.
Lets take a look, for example, at this excerpt from Lumen Gentium:
The Church recognizes that in many ways she is linked with those who, being baptized, are honored with the name of Christian, though they do not profess the faith in its entirety or do not preserve unity of communion with the successor of Peter. For there are many who honor Sacred Scripture, taking it as a norm of belief and a pattern of life, and who show a sincere zeal. They lovingly believe in God the Father Almighty and in Christ, the Son of God and Saviour. They are consecrated by baptism, in which they are united with Christ. They also recognize and accept other sacraments within their own Churches or ecclesiastical communities. Many of them rejoice in the episcopate, celebrate the Holy Eucharist and cultivate devotion toward the Virgin Mother of God. They also share with us in prayer and other spiritual benefits. Likewise we can say that in some real way they are joined with us in the Holy Spirit, for to them too He gives His gifts and graces whereby He is operative among them with His sanctifying power.
Spirit of Vatican II translation: In reality, we’re all the same who call on Jesus.
My translation: Inside every heretic and schismatic there is a Catholic, struggling to get out.
Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
I’d like to thank Julie D. for having pity on Rick Lugari and sending people to give him a reason to live vote for him in best Presentation. Congratulations also to Julie for winning best blog by a woman. Someone in Vegas just made a ton of money on that one.
I’m pretty happy that the Express fared pretty well against the professional Catholics that it faced in each category. Mind you, I wish I was a professional Catholic; that would rock hard. I really wouldn’t mind going on speaking engagements and writing books and so forth as a living. Maybe I should work on that.
Finally, I just want to say to all of you who didn’t vote for me:
What were you thinking?
I’ll be praying for you.
Back to cat blogging:
Jay Anderson gives us our first cat submission.
Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com
Even though Der Tommissar and I strongly disagree about some very fundamental issues, I still think he’s a fabulous enough darling to win one of your dear little Catholic Blog Awards. Be a sweetheart and vote for him, will you?
Lord knows I don’t want to tell people how to vote, but being the helpful sort that I am I want to make sure they make an informed decision. With that in mind, I’ve consulted one of the Great Works of Art to help people in making that decision.
The Work in Question, of course, is Caddyshack. So please feel free to use my Caddyshack Guide to the Catholic Weblog Awards to help you make your decisions.
![[SMMMHDH]](http://www.mgilleland.com/music/smmmhdh.png){kind=small}
