The monument is sponsored by Les Jésuites de Sudbury.

‘’ No service of faith without promotion of justice. No promotion of justice without dialogue with other traditions.'’ (34th General Congregation 1995, Society of Jesus)

Ok, so McGyver or Jack T. Burton is supposed to walk through that thing and get transported to ancient Egypt or something, right? And Ra gets his hands on a nuke but James Spader saves the day, isn’t that how it goes? I totally saw this thing on Showtime.

Wherever I go, I make friends.

There’s an email list to which I subscribe, which discusses Catholicism. Someone asked a question on this list about how the Church would spread to the stars, as part of some research into writing a science-fiction novel. A bunch of folks threw out some ideas, and some generally light discussion arose.

And then, J showed up:

Dear Alumimum-Foil-Hat-Wearing Trads,

I am genuinely amused at this notion of an interstellar bishopric. For one, it seems impossible for me to understand how the Precious Blood would stay in the chalice without a pall with a gasket and vacuum seal, but that’s a question best answered by an engineer.

Novelty aside, I am a little surprised that there is the expectation that a towering “TRADS ONLY” sign on the Moon (presumably the ‘S’ would be printed backwards and, like the rest of the sign, in crayon or dripping paint) would prevent any lunar disagreements or heresies. It seems to me, based on eyeing the posts from this list for about a year, that Traditional Catholics, while much closer in terms of understanding and accepting the doctrine of the Church, still have distance between them and chips on their shoulders.

Of course, I figure someone who could make “backwards S” cracks and would tell people they most likely write in crayon would be able to take a bit back. Since this individual went to Princeton, I made a few cracks directed at the “Overly Pretentious Ivy League Grad”. You’d figure that someone who could dish it out would be able to take it, right?

Wrong. Back came a “stinging” reply. At least, I thought it was supposed to be stinging. I mean, I don’t think he would have consciously gone for “pathetic and lame”.

Dear Tom of the Donegal Express,

Your shoulders must be laden with a truly heavy cross–if not a chip–to resort to such a crass critique of both my posting and email address. It would be equally glib for me to claim that a blog I’ve recently explored was written by a homosexual, not because of its melodramatic author’s derisively mocking style and curt cleverness, but because he displays an unnaturally strong penchant for pictures of kitties. Are you really going to make this into a State-vs.-Ivy League School issue? I would have thought that someone who compares his written self to Chesterton and Pope Leo XIII would have done a better job at making me look forward to the trip, after telling me to go to Hell. Besides, Tom, I’d expect a cat lover to have more of a soft side.

[DT: Wow. But I’m crass. Glad that got cleared up.]

I’m fighting the battle for the True Faith, and have lost family, friend, and love in the process. Is it any wonder that I have my humor and you your bile? What fight are you fighting that so many of us here are not? Have self-righteousness and righteousness lost their distinction, Tom?

[DT: Ok:

A. Like 99.999% of “Traditionalists” are “Traditionalists” without losing family, friends, and love. Have you ever stopped to consider that it might be you yourself, and not your beliefs that drive people away?

B. <Niedermeyer>Oh, I noticed the part where you say you have lost love over your beliefs. Now, I know cultures are different and all, but where I grew up the guy who couldn’t keep a girl didn’t go around throwing “fag” insults at others. I’m just saying.</Neidermeyer>

C. If by some chance/miracle you have found someone in the meantime, the fact that you still carry on about this lost love makes your wife/girlfriend the luckiest woman in the world.

The luckiest woman in the world.

D: You wrote a nasty email calling folks you didn’t agree with ignorant fanatics. You implied that such people were retarded, yet you have “humor” and I have “bile”. You don’t even realize how pathetically condescending you sound, do you?]

You should feel free to continue to hide behind a first name and hyperlink to an angsty blog.

[DT: It’s not angst. It’s bile and invective. BILE AND INVECTIVE. Besides, exactly what have you done to deserve to learn my full name? Do you want to write me a check or something? Maybe you’d like to have me come give some talks. Since you have such a burning need to know, my wife has asked me not to go broadcasting my full name. In case they didn’t teach you this at Princeton, a wife is what you call a woman who marries you.]

I’ll pray for you, and when time permits, I’ll still continue to wonder how the Precious Blood will stay in the chalice when your interstellar inertial dampeners fail.

[DT: Not that I care, but how would it stay in there if the chalice tipped over? That’s why they call that sort of thing “an accident”. You know, “Oops, that shouldn’t have happened.”]

If that should happen and the biosphere on Planet Pio Nono should find itself floating about in zero gravity (in which even cross, chip, and crown are just as heavy), you should feel free to contact me for assistance. I know you have my email address.

[ DT: If you couldn’t fix the problem with a chalice, why would I call you to help with a whole biosphere? Do me a favor, support liturgical dance. You sir, are the Colonel Klink factor in Traditional Catholicism.]

Some people say I only belittle and humiliate my posters. I disagree (circle gets the square). I only do that to the ones that annoy me. In fact, it’s quite possible to disagree with me and not be annoying. For example: Clara took exception with my characterization of “Phatmass” and asked me to reconsider. So, being the decent guy that I am, I go back to Phatmass with an open mind.

Of course, it didn’t take long to find the hate for Tradition.

When has the Church ever acted that way? When has the Church ever moved backward? Quo Primum did the very same thing as Missale Romanum, except it was 399 years earlier.

That is naive and that is incorrect disciplinary theology. The Church has never moved backward in order to promote Tradition. Not once. Why now? I disagree. Why don’t we simply push for proper implementation of the Missa Normativa? When done correctly it is as beautiful and theologically correct as the so called Tridentine.

Actually, I’m not sure if the Church every moved backward in order to promote Tradition. Why don’t you ask the Pope in Avignon?

So what you’re saying is, no one ever reauthorized Communion in the hand? Well, that’s a load off my mind! I mean, the big argument of the time was “the early Christians received Communion by hand”. If we go that route, the whole Novus Ordo was supposed to return the liturgy to some idyllic “pure and primitive” form. That means, the Mass you’re championing is an example of something you claim never happened. Somebody call that Alanis Morissette chick.

Quo Primum did the very same thing as Missale Romanum, except it was 399 years earlier.

That’s a bold and intriguing statement there. It also happens to be entirely wrong.

Missalae Romanum created an entirely new liturgy whole cloth. The Missal of Pius V was a codification of existing practices. Pius V alsoretained any rite with more than 200 years of continual use. Oh, and Pius V didn’t have Protestants help design the liturgy. Other than that, it was the very same thing as Missale Romanum.

If you think the current Mass is as theologically correct as the Traditional Mass, you are sadly, sadly mistaken. The New Mass was designed with the aid of Protestants who were able to make informal “suggestions” about the reform of the Mass. What, do you think those guys were saying, “You know, you really need to stress Transubstantiation and the Sacrificial nature of the Mass more”?

My man, I wouldn’t go throwing around words like “incorrect” and “naive”. I’m just saying.

Dear Amy,

I don’t make the rules, I just point them out.

I try to be nice, I really do. I even dust off my halo and practice my innocent look, but what happens? I’ll tell you what happens; the Inn at the End of the World goes and posts about the Saddest Show on Earth, the LA DRE Convention.

In other news, I’m throwing my hat in the ring for the position of Superior General of the SSPX. After all, I’ve got to do something until the next Conclave.

In my world, the Lair of the Catholic Caveman is required reading for every CCD class. Amy, can you start incorporating that into the lesson plans your teachers have to follow? Come on, improve my opinion of the office of the DRE!

The end of his post “The Lair of the Catholic CavemenAre Catholics Returning To A More Traditional Form Of Catholicism?”

And by the way, for all those “mainstream Catholic” blogs out there (and you know who you are) who literally have the hate dripping from your jowls towards anything and everything traditional, orthodox and conservative, I suggest you either get ready to update your templates, or find a nice Protestant denomination that suits your particular brand of heresy.

A very Happy Birthday to Miss Hilary Jane Margaret White, spinster. For those of you who don’t know, Hilary runs a very nice blog by the name of The Devout Life. Please stop by and wish her a great day.

As my tribute to Hilary’s birthday, I include the following bit from the Lair of the Catholic Caveman, in reference to legends of Christ escaping the Crucifixion and living out his life elsewhere on this planet:

Then we have The Savior hangin’ out in England and Wales, undoubtedly ready to leave post-haste due to the horrid food. “Shall I boil your beef for you s’more, Guvnah? Were the jellied eels to your liking, Yer Lordship?”

Boiled Beef

Jellied Eels

Also, here’s a few excerpts from a couple of her favorite songs:

Happy Birthday, Susie!

In 1972 a crack Catholic commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they did not commit. These Catholics promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the blogosphere underground. Today, still wanted by We Are Church, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem with your DRE, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the B-Team.

The B-Team

Clockwise from top left: Rick Lugari, Maureen Martin, Jay Anderson, Julie D., Der Tommissar

Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com

This just in: water is wet, sun rises in east!

Josef Stalin once asked, “How many divisions does the Pope have?” I guess he’s got eternity to ponder that one.

Quick answerto that one, Joey, “Enough to bury your totalitarian fiefdom.”

According to Reuters:

Leaders of the former Soviet Union were behind the assassination attempt against Pope John Paul II in 1981, an Italian parliamentary investigative commission said in a report.

A final draft of the report, which is due to be presented to parliament later this month, was made available to Reuters on Thursday by the commission president, Senator Paolo Guzzanti.

“This commission believes, beyond any reasonable doubt, that the leadership of the Soviet Union took the initiative to eliminate Pope John Paul,� the report said.

“They relayed this decision to the military secret services for them to take on all necessary operations to commit a crime of unique gravity, without parallel in modern times,� it said.

The report also says “some elements� of the Bulgarian secret services were involved but that this was an attempt to divert attention away from the Soviet Union’s alleged key role.

A 36-page chapter on the assassination attempt was included in a wider report by parliament’s Mitrokhin Commission, which probed the revelations of Vasili Mitrokhin, a senior Soviet archivist during the Cold War who defected to Britain in 1992.

The Pope was shot in St Peter’s Square on May 13, 1981 by Turkish gunman Mehmet Ali Agca, who was arrested minutes later and convicted of attempted murder.

At the time of the shooting, events in the Pope’s Polish homeland were starting a domino effect which was eventually to lead to the collapse of communism in Eastern Europe in 1989.

The Pope was a staunch supporter of Poland’s Solidarity union and most historians agree he played a vital role in events that led to the formation of the East Bloc’s first freely elected government and the fall of the Berlin Wall.

This was a production of Stop The ACLU Blogburst. If you would like to join us, please email Jay or Gribbit. You will be added to our mailing list and blogroll. Over 150 blogs already on-board

Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com

I just want to take a second here to thank everyone who voted for the Express in the Catholic Blog Awards. You people rock.

I want to congratulate the Anchoress, Jeff Miller and Shrine of the Holy Whapping. I mean, if I’m going to lose, it’s nice to lose to folks with some class and dignity.

I’d like to thank Julie D. for having pity on Rick Lugari and sending people to give him a reason to live vote for him in best Presentation. Congratulations also to Julie for winning best blog by a woman. Someone in Vegas just made a ton of money on that one.

I’m pretty happy that the Express fared pretty well against the professional Catholics that it faced in each category. Mind you, I wish I was a professional Catholic; that would rock hard. I really wouldn’t mind going on speaking engagements and writing books and so forth as a living. Maybe I should work on that.

Finally, I just want to say to all of you who didn’t vote for me:

What were you thinking?

I’ll be praying for you.

Back to cat blogging:

Jay Anderson gives us our first cat submission.

Do you have a cat you want to share with us all? email Der_Tommissar at goowy dot com

Welcome Catholic Weblog Awards Visitors!

Without further ado, our post:

Even though Der Tommissar and I strongly disagree about some very fundamental issues, I still think he’s a fabulous enough darling to win one of your dear little Catholic Blog Awards. Be a sweetheart and vote for him, will you?

–Pete