Some days, I wonder how I survived college.

I remember my freshman year a bunch of us went down to one of the local watering holes in Pittsburgh, Beef was there from what I remember. It was December.

Well it had gotten late, and we all left. The gang made a left when I made a right; I wound up in an alley. Now remember, it was late and I had gotten sleepy. The alley looked like a really comfortable place to nap, so I knelt in a snow drift, rested my forehead against the wall, and took a nap.

The next thing I know, there’s a tapping on my shoulder. I turned around to see what was up.

Does anyone remember Slaphot? Remember when Reg Dunlop goes to the door and there’s like six cops standing in the doorway, “The Hansons!” That’s exactly what it looked like.

So I ask, “Are you guys Campus Police?”

The lead officer nods, “Yeah.”

I replied, “Wake me up when the real police get here.” Then I knelt my head against the wall and went back to sleep. Like I said, I was /tired/.

Next thing I know:

*tap* *tap* *tap*

There’s now like, ten cops and a new one is standing up front. I see my six friends from before hanging in the back of the pack.

I address the new lead cop, “Are you guys Pittsburgh police?”

He nods, “Yup.”

So I stood up, brushed myself off, and straightened my jacket. “Alright officer, let’s go.”

And we all marched past the campus police.

I get into the back of the squad car, and I can hear the police radio crackling with laughter:

*krrccchh* He said what? *krrccchh*

*krrccchh* Wake me up when the real police get here. *krrccchh*

*krrccchh* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA *krrccchh*

I bring joy to people. I embrace this.

The Pittsburgh police very graciously drove me home. I didn’t even have to pay cab fare.

When in college son
It would behoove you to mark
Sleep in your own bed

So I heard Bob the Builder give his speech in Berlin. The only thing that stuck out was him saying, “People of the world…”

I was expecting him to finish that at least once with, “join hands, start a love train.”

Then again, Al Gore would have been saying, “People of Earth” and his compatriots would be swarming down from the mothership.

It’s Bob the Builder
Speechifyin’ in Berlin
Change the channel