I know, a bunch of you people are wondering why I haven’t been posting as regularly or as copiously as I have in the past.

The answer to that is, “Who are you, my mother? I don’t have to tell you anything.”

But that doesn’t make for a good blog post. Therefore I’m going to go with a bunch of possible reasons that I haven’t been posting as often. I’m not going to say that any of these are true, mind you. Actually, they might even be part of the reason. Who knows? But at the very least it should give you all something entertaining.

A. I’ve been helping my wife with her online business’ website.

My wife does personalized, handmade birth announcements. They’re great for hanging in the nursery and make wonderful keepsakes. You can take a look at Showers of Love to learn more. Anyone who has had a new addition to their family would love one of these!

B. The Yakuza

Those are some mean dudes. I told them I’ll hold another ninja day “soon”; what do they expect?

C. Cats

I need to stock up again on cat photos. It’s not as easy as you think!

D. Identity Exposure

For all of you folks who think I’m hiding behind a pseudonym, obviously I’m not hiding well enough. I’ve had people from college find me through this blog. Well, since it’s a fact that my employer also lists my blog and my real name, I guess you all can’t say I’m some anonymous bomb-thrower. Don’t blame me if you can’t figure out who I am.

On the other hand, for all of you who wonder if my stories are true, think on this: people have guessed who I am by reading and saying, “That /has/ to be Tom X. I was there that night!” I’ll be doing some more stories from back in the day in the future. Lord knows who else will show up. That’s a little freaky when I consider my past. Actually, that’s been keeping me up nights with a cold sweat which has cut into my blogging time.

E. I’m learning to drive a stick.

People make this big deal about Amy Welborn getting a new PC from her blog. Other folks are like, deep down jealous. Then there are folks who talk about making all sorts of money off their fancy schmancy blog ads. That’s so. . .quaint.

I don’t post my name, and yet a reader to this blog has given me. . .a car. Now I’m not going to say that being given a car makes me the greatest blogger ever. After all, we all know that being given a car makes me the greatest blogger ever, so why should I say it? Let’s just all bask in that little glory for a second, shall we? *bask bask bask*

Good. I got a Geo Metro, it’s a 1990 - something or other. This is no beater either, it’s just shy of two hundred thousand miles. Oh, it’s a three cylinder too. For those of you who don’t know cars, that means it’s three times the sweetness of a one cylinder car. This thing gets like 30 miles per gallon city and 44 mpg highway, although I don’t actually take it on the highway because when I go uphill there’s a chance the car will roll backwards. I kid you not.

In any event, I refer to the car as “the Blogmobile”. As in, “It’s time for Cub Scouts, to the Blogmobile, Primus!” Or, “My speed is dropping to 15mph as I go up the onramp? No, the Blogmobile cannot be defeated by mere gravity. The Blogmobile is not a middle-aged actress to be defeated by gravity!”

The Blogmobile also happens to have a manual transmission; this is something I’ve never had to experience before. Therefore, uxor has been giving me lessons in how to drive such a vehicle. It has been a painful learning curve.

F. I’ve been configuring sendmail at the office.

If you don’t know what that means, you don’t get to comment.

Oh well, I’d tell you that you’re going to see regular updates again, but I’m about to go out of town. For those who need to know, I’ll be spending the weekend at Clear Creek Monastery in Oklahoma. Don’t break anything while I’m gone. If you’re all good, I’ll do some regular posts when I get back.

Sources report that SecDef Rumsfeld will be announcing his resignation “in the very near future”.