I don’t like Rush Limbaugh, ok? Personally, I think all the talent and intelligence in that family went to his brother, David.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, who can I call myself a conservative and not worship Rush. I know I know I know, “Doesn’t that delay the reception of your marching orders from the VWRC?”

As some folks might know, I’m not as economically conservative as the average Republican. I’m all for lower taxes (and I support the integration of Church and State. After all, the Church only asked for 10%) and against government controlled welfare programs. Those are things much better handled by local charitable and religious organizations. After that however, I tend to part ways with many on the Right. For instance, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what Caleb Stegall has to say about unfettered capitalism.

I’d rather be stuck in a room with the worst and most obnoxious member of the “Religious Right” than with some strongly corporate Republican. After all, no matter how insane-sounding and annoying the biggest Jerry Falwell guy can get, at least deep down he’s spouting off like he does because he loves God and figures that’s what God would want him to do. The other guy is what, trying to squeeze and extra couple points per quarter in profit? At some point, doesn’t that get a little creepy, dedicating your life to an extra couple points per quarter?

In any event, I bring this up because I was reminded of a show Rush did for laughs a while back. He asked callers to call in and tell him how much money someone had to make to be “rich”. Then he got some chuckles from folks calling with “Anyone who makes over $50,000 a year is rich” or “Anyone who takes home more than two grand a month is rich”. I guess his point was, I dunno, there really is no such thing as “the rich” because everyone has a different idea of what it means to be “rich”.

I thought we were the party of objective truth?

Back to my point. I had to go shopping with the wife a little while ago, and while we were getting the groceries I noticed a few things. Do you know there are companies that make peanut butter and jelly in one jar? That way you can just spread peanut butter and jelly on bread without having to get out two jars. This “convenience” comes with quite a pricetag compared to regular peanut butter or jelly jars. Also, there are personal gourmet mac and cheese bowls in the frozen foods section. For like, five dollars you can get a bowl of mac and cheese and microwave it. That extra four dollars and ninety-nine cents or whatever it is spares you the indignity of mixing milk and butter into a saucepan.

Then, we pass the seafood section. This is New Mexico, you can’t find a clam in this entire state. They get mussels and they even get scallops, but not one clam. It amazes me. Forget about asking for soft-shelled crab.

“No, I want soft-shelled crab.”

“Um, these crabs look good to me. I’m sure you can cook them however you need to make the shells soft.”

The thing of it is, I don’t even like soft-shelled crabs. But once I can’t find something that I’ve seen growing up, I will go to war. Like Scrapple for instance. Scrapple is something they could put on Fear Factor to make sure no one ever wins the money. I had a bird fly through a vent and into a hot water heater once, where it scalded itself to death. I came home with the scent of scalded sparrow hanging in the air and thought, “Who on earth was making Scrapple”? Now that no one knows what it is, it’s the world’s finest food.

So like I was saying, I was in the seafood section of the supermarket. I look in the window and they’re selling these gigantic King crab legs. They were about three feet long and three inches around. The sign said, $14.99/lb.

This young little Hispanic woman has her shopping cart and was looking at the seafood too. I noticed she had in her cart the pbj in one jar thing and like, four of those gourmet microwavable mac and cheeses. She then asks the seafood guy for five pounds of the King Crab.

So the guy asks her, “Would you like them frozen, or ready to eat tonight?” And the woman replies, “Tonight. I think they’re going to have the crab tonight.”

And I thought, “Wow, that’s a really weird way to answer. Wouldn’t she know if she was going to eat…” and then it hit me.

She’s somebody’s housekeeper.

So here Rush, let me help you out. When you have your housekeeper pick up the pbj in one jar, the gourmet mac and cheese and $75 worth of crab, guess what? You’re the rich. Let me know if there’s anything else you need help figuring out, because you know, I’m here for you guy.

From time to time, I get people who wonder if I’m a little too hard on Santa Fe when I remark that it has all the freakishness of San Francisco but without the water. There are other people who wonder if it can really be as bad as I make out. Finally, there are people who ask me to sum up my experience of living in the “City Different”. I’m happy to say I can finally answer all those people at the same time.

That’s right folks, I’ve done it. I have found the most perfect Santa Fe story ever. One small article in the Santa Fe New Mexican has encapsulated all of this whacked out town more accurately and succinctly than I could ever dare to imagine. Thank you, Tom Sharpe!

Eight Tibetan Buddhist monks, dressed in maroon robes, saffron shawls and yellow fringed hats, stood in the shade of a small cottonwood tree in Frenchy’s Field on Wednesday to bless Santa Fe’s imperiled prairie dogs.

The monks’ multiphonic chanting, called “overtone singing,” vibrated the hot afternoon air and perked up the prairie dogs nearby. Several stood up on their hind legs. One began to squeak, as if to answer the chant.

The blessing kicked off efforts to relocate prairie dogs from city parks, school campuses and other sites around Santa Fe to more rural locations. Although relocations began as early as March, they were suspended in mid-May to allow the animals time to give birth.

Santa Fe. Not only do they relocate prairie dogs, not only do they get them blessed by Tibetan monks, they also give them maternity leave.

To be perfectly honest, I’m seriously considering never writing anything under the “New Mexico” tag again. What could I possibly add to this?

Oh, and please check out the comments on the news article. It’s an e-ticket extravaganza.

The monument is sponsored by Les Jésuites de Sudbury.

‘’ No service of faith without promotion of justice. No promotion of justice without dialogue with other traditions.'’ (34th General Congregation 1995, Society of Jesus)

Ok, so McGyver or Jack T. Burton is supposed to walk through that thing and get transported to ancient Egypt or something, right? And Ra gets his hands on a nuke but James Spader saves the day, isn’t that how it goes? I totally saw this thing on Showtime.

The latest PSP is bringing up a ton of controversy for the following ad being run in Europe.

PlayStation Portable. White is coming

The Guardian Unlimited’s Games Blog tries a broadside with the following:

It’s questionable, however, whether the world is ready to explore themes of race and domination in the context of a videogame console ad. Although not as wilfully controversial as Benetton’s infamous ‘United Colours’ campaign, many viewers will be unwilling or unable to decode the imagery until it becomes about two different colours of plastic.

Importantly perhaps, the ads are for the European release of the white PSP and are appearing on billboards in Amsterdam rather than in the US where racial tension remains a fraught issue.

This is why I want to write for the Guardian. It would be great to post things without having to bother about that pesky, “Jives with reality on planet earth” thing. This was classic, “Thank God they’re doing this in Europe, and not with those racisit Troglodytes in America.

To wit I respond, “soccer”.

MSNBC:

Claims of racist abuse targeting players at the World Cup emerged hours after FIFA and local organizers promoted the “Say No to Racism” campaign on Wednesday.

France coach Raymond Domenech said black players were taunted as they entered the stadium before their second-round match against Spain at Hanover the previous night.

“When the bus arrives at the stadium, when you hear some fans making monkey chants … I just turned my head away,” Domenech said in Hameln. “I don’t even give them the satisfaction of a look.”

USA Today:

In Germany and several other European nations, crowds shower minority players with racial insults at times. Several of the U.S. team’s African-American players who compete professionally in European leagues say they have been targets of discrimination and verbal and even physical abuse because of their race — on and off the field. There are concerns about how racial incidents might affect the World Cup in Germany, where the 32-team tournament begins June 9 and will be held in 12 cities.

*snip*

“You just ignore it, because whenever you react, that provokes them to do it more,” says Onyewu, 24. “I know it’s not the majority, it’s a minority of people. … I can’t tell you why it started or why it still exists. I just know it exists in Italy, France, Belgium, Holland, Germany, Spain … you name it.”

*snip*

An anti-racism group in Germany is so concerned that it has warned non-white World Cup visitors to avoid rural towns and villages outside Berlin, in the formerly communist eastern part of the country.

And just to drive the point home, US Soccer player Eddie Pope:

Making monkey noises at an NBA game or NFL game? It would be ridiculous

Soccer breeds racism. Abolish soccer.

Even without the soccer-inspired racism, there’s still all that North-African and Middle Eastern racism. Remember folks, nothing going on in Europe is about Islam. Therefore, if it isn’t about religion, it must be about race, right?

Let’s go look at those “tolerant” folk in the Netherlands.

Theo Van Gogh was unavailable for comment.

What about France?

No racial tension here.

Great Britain?

A HIGH COURT judge condemned the Government yesterday for failing to fund Britain’s prisons adequately after ruling that a catalogue of failures had led to the murder of an Asian inmate by his racist, psychopathic cellmate.

Guess not.

Oh well Europe, if it makes you guys feel any better (until you get butchered or your property goes up in flames) to stick your head in the sand and pretend that the US is the center of “racial tensions” in the world, rock on. We really don’t mind, since we’ve come to expect your smug condescension and superiority, coupled with a total inability to handle your own problems. How very Europe of you.