Never heard of the Lilting Banshees? You’re not alone! They were a local band in Minneapolis back in the mid 90’s who released one CD: “Borrowed Instruments and Stolen Songs”. In any event, on said CD the above mentioned song was dedicated to yours truly. How many people get songs dedicated to them on CDs, I ask you?

The first time I fell in love, I was dancing with a girl to this song. By the same token, I could mention Snow’s “Lonely Monday Morning” as it was the song I listened to for a month after the breakup. But hey, I already admitted to having an Abba song on my play list. It can’t get any worse, can it?

Sacred polyphony sung on the feast of the Assumption. I was the bass section. Without me, 1/4 of the song would have been unsung. I rock. Out of all the pieces performed, I still think the Credo is the most moving.

Ok, I’m seventeen right, and my older brother is twenty. It’s about three weeks before he turns twenty-one, but he can’t wait. He wants to go to the K-Club. The K-Club was what was once known as an “underground club”. A place without a liquor license. Basically, he wanted to go and party and drink before his birthday. Being as how I was seventeen and had a license, I was to come along as the designated driver.

Anyhow, I’m at the club and I’m having a good time. There’s three of us; my brother, his friend, and myself. It just so happens that his friend, T, is also a Philadelphia police officer. I’m out on the dance floor, just going with my bad self. It ruled. All of a sudden, this hot thirty year old chick comes up and starts dancing with me.

Did you ever see “Caroline in the City”? Do you remember Caroline’s friend? She looked exactly like her. So she’s dancing and flirting and brushing against me and whatnot and I’m expecting at any moment to be officially crowned “King Stud Of The Universe”. I think that requires David Hasselhoff and Tom Jones to be in attendance, but I digress. This is all going on to “White Lines”. Then, the music goes off. I smile and make a joke, “Oh great, it’s probably a raid.”

From my mouth to God’s ear.

The lights go on, and down the stairs troop Pennsylvania’s Alcoholic Beverage Control officers. My smile disappears, and I look for my brother’s friend. I’m wandering around trying to find this guy, the cop, like a third Class passenger on the Titanic. “No way, there’s gotta be one lifeboat left.”

He split.

By this time I find my brother, and the ABC folks are checking ID’s and tossing people into the Paddy Wagons. My brother’s just mumbling, “Three weeks.” And I’m like, “You no good, SOB. What did you do to me? I didn’t even drink!” So he’s reminding me of every relative we have on the force, and who to ask for and where they’re probably going to book him and all this stuff. In the meantime, I hit upon one of those things that makes you just love Philly. No matter where you are, in any crowd you will meet a second cousin, or someone who knows your second cousin, or someone who’s friend knows your second cousin or something. In this case, I ran into three of them at the K-Club. These guys quickly deposit me behind the bar, and stuff me in a cabinet under it. So there I am, in this cold, damp, dark hole surrounded by hard alcohol. I’ve got no clue if I’m going to jail, or if I’m ever going to even see the sun again. The one thing that goes through my mind is, “Naw…naw, I ain’t goin’ out like that.” So I help myself to the scotch. Then I get to the Irish whiskey. Then I hit the rum.

Some indeterminate time later, the cabinet door opens. It’s my brother. Apparently T, the cop, wandered about a block before he realized, “I left the guys back at the club.” He finally made it back through the arrest line and had come to collect us. By this time, I’m blitzed. The two of them are dragging me up the stairs and out of the club. The entire way up, I’m taunting ABC. “Hey there, what are you gonna do, arrest me? You wouldn’t be so tough without that gun. I don’t care about the badge, I could take you even if you are wearing it.” Finally, I turn to my brother, “Did you see who I was dancing with? I think she liked me. I gotta go back and get her number.” So I try to slip out of their arms and get back into the club. Then I was in my back yard, stretched out on the picnic table. It was about noon.

That night rocked! But I never did get her number.